TESTIMONIES ON OUR BLOG
On our blog, you will find many testimonies of how God has worked in our hearts, lives, and families through inner healing:
WHAT IS INNER HEALING?
“God’s Grace on our lives, and being loosed from our past hurts, from down deep.” – Carol, Georgia
“Freedom … ’nuff said.” – Deborah, Georgia
“Got baggage? Inner Healing teaches you how to let Jesus deal with your baggage.” – Chris, Georgia
“You will embrace your powerlessness!” – Nancy, Georgia
“Removing the debris of our past that keeps us from a real relationship with our Lord and Savior. Transforming the worms of our past into butterflies.” – Karen, Georgia
“The most thought provoking, gut wrenching, relaxing, wonderfully freeing gift you can give yourself!” – Liza, Georgia
“Allowing yourself to be turned inside out and then letting God put you back together.” – Christine, Georgia
“Learning to embrace surrender. It is everything you need to live your life with every blessing God has for you.” – Elizabeth, Georgia
“Freedom at the Cross!” – Chris, Georgia
“Allowing the Holy Spirit to break you into a million pieces so Jesus can make you into a whole new jar.” – Melissa, Georgia
“It is realizing you are not capable of fixing yourself and you need God to not only put you back together whole, but you also need Him to build up your foundation on the bedrock of His Love, Mercy, Grace and Truth.” – Brenda, Georgia
“God helps you let go of the masks, crutches, walls, and cover-ups that have kept you going – so you can finally be the Real You, and live in fullness of His joy and peace.” – Janet, Georgia
“If you are finally tired of doing the same things and expecting different results, Inner Healing has a place for you.” – Merle, Georgia
“Finding the “why’s” that lead to the “what’s” that are destroying our joy and how they can be washed away at the Cross.” – Ron, Georgia
“Revelatory knowledge that brings the goodness of God to wounded and unbelieving areas of the heart so that our true self can emerge.” – Michelle, Virginia
“Be Transformed by God’s Grace.” – Carol, Georgia
“What is Inner Healing? I can tell you in one word: Freedom.” – Vicki, Georgia
TESTIMONIES OF INNER HEALING
Generational Blessings and Family Restored
I have lots of family photos, dating back decades, even more than a century. Lots of shutterbugs in my family, and that was before the age of digital. To look at the photos, you’d see a “normal” American family of first, second and third generation Scandinavian immigrants, who had the privilege of moving from the frozen north to a beautiful place called Miami, Florida.
Only some of the photos capture the deep family undercurrents I remember from childhood: sadness, loneliness, rejection, fear, bitterness, rivalry, illness and premature death. While I’ve held onto many family photos all these years, I’ve seldom taken them out of the box to look. They’ve stayed in the closet and in the recesses of my memories.
Through several years of inner healing classes and prayer ministry, I’ve asked the Lord to search my heart; prayed through many prayers of repentance and forgiveness; closed the doors of generational sin; and asked God to restore, redeem and loose the generational blessings He intended for my family. As well, He’s brought me to a place where I can truly honor each person in my family lineage as the persons God created them to be.
Thanks to the healing, today I sorted through old photographs, placed them in frames and hung them on my living room walls. As I look at the photos, I feel a deep joy in my heart, along with peace that all is well, and a sense that my family is restored. I feel happy that God placed me in this family, and I feel alive in a way I never have. The beautiful photos on the walls don’t erase the hard times. They simply represent the way God has transformed ashes into beauty, and I celebrate my family with Him.
– Janet, Georgia
Freedom from Generational Freemasonry
The Lord had been prompting me for over a year to renounce my family’s involvement with freemasonry. It was a nagging feeling I had. I looked at the history of my family and I could see the curse repeat itself over and over again. Finally and thankfully, the time and the opportunity were made perfect by God and I participated in a corporate renunciation.
Even though I had read the renunciation prayer over a few times, I was surprised by the violence, vileness and evil of the agreements and covenants made by my ancestors as I read them aloud. Certain portions of the prayer caused me to burst into tears for no apparent reason. Other parts of the prayer spoke specifically to the curses of my family and me – secrecy, fear of insanity, fear of death, fear of trusting, death wishes, suicide, striving, searching into false religions, unbelief in the Bible, revenge, retaliation, anger, hatred, murderous thoughts, insecurity, the love of position and power, the love of money, greed and pride. The enemy tried to confuse me several times and even as I read the words written on the paper, I said different words. Sometimes I would read the word “renounce” but say the word “rejoice”. But our prayer minister would stop when we were confused and cleanse the atmosphere and have us lay hands on each other and then we would start over again. The Lord would pour His peace over us and lift the heaviness of the sin out of the room. It was truly miraculous.
As we forgave our ancestors for their involvement in freemasonry, the Lord prompted us to forgive and repent on behalf of our ancestors for other sins and called us to intercede for other family members. The healing was expansive and multiplied with each prayer. Afterwards, I felt lighter and exhausted! As I went to sleep that night I prayed that my family would feel the shift and begin to immediately walk in the new freedom. I slept through the night in great comfort. I pray, receive and claim God’s promises that the curses that have plagued my family and me for these many generations are now broken and replaced with blessings, the opposite spirit of every curse. I am so excited to see this new season of blessing for my family – to see who God made us to be. Thank you Lord!
– K, Georgia
Tired of Something from Your Past?
My name is Jason. My testimony for inner healing class starts with introducing you to who “I” was. At the ripe age of one, I went through a crash course in abandonment. Because I was so young, I started my development as a man with a heart of stone.
As I grew, inner vows and foundational lies subconsciously formed and, in turn, manifested into actions. I found myself not trusting of others and therefore not willing to give myself to others.
In June of last year, three significant storms came my way. When the skies cleared, I found that I had lost myself, my brother and my wife. The mental and emotional pain was so unbearable, that I knew something had to change. That change was “I”!
I knew God existed and I acknowledged His creating the earth, the universe and life itself. But that is where the relationship ended. At this point I started to feel a spiritual pain. Because of this new type of pain, new feelings began to emerge. I asked God for a sign. That’s it, just a sign. I was unaware at this time of His ability to help me in any way. The word “Genesis” appeared in my thoughts and I knew it was biblical. I found myself here for the first time and reading the newsletter which had the ad – “Tired of something from your past?”
At this point I realized that God was laying out His plan for me so I signed up for inner healing class to go back to my beginning – my Genesis. I learned that my bitter fruit was performance orientation and my bitter root was that someone else’s free will dictated who “I” was. Come to find out, all I had to do was ask for help. Instead of trying to manage it myself, I asked for help. Thanks to God, inner healing class, and all that have supported me, I now know that God’s plan for me is to let go and give Him myself and in return, He will accompany me on my daily journey of sanctification. Go God.
– Jason, Georgia
Now I Can Do What Makes My Heart Sing
Yesterday’s session was so awesome for me. Another singing ride home. Go God!!!!!
I have been meditating and praying about the healing. I keep remembering the peace I felt when you talked about my affinity for healing and I remembered that when I was a little girl I told my daddy that I wanted to be a nurse but he told me that was not for me – I should be the doctor. Ugh!! All those years of school. But I tried. I did very well in chemistry the first year of college but organic chemistry kicked my butt so I flushed the med school idea and pretended that I wanted to do something else.
Anyway, I am really good at caring for people. I like it. It comes easy and naturally. I get so excited about stories of healing. It used to be just physical healing (because that was the only one I knew) but now it is all healing. Where it has been a problem is the – you guessed it – motive. The perversion has been that I did it for all the wrong reasons. I took care of people and then expected them to take care of me in return and love me. Expecting again from my human brothers and sisters what I can only really get from God. My motivation is all wrong.
So I have known for a while that I took care of folks for the wrong reason and I mistakenly believed that I just had to quit doing it and that has been so sad. I was denying a very essential part of who God made me to be. So confusing. So painful. I thought to be a “good” Christian and to be obedient I had to deny what made my heart sing and I felt like such a failure because there was no joy – no life in my heart.
After yesterday I know that I can do what I love but I have to do it for the right reasons – to glorify God. And I have to let Him tell me how and where I use my gift. Thank You, God! Thank You, God! I want to share the miracle of my continuous healing.
– Kathryn, Georgia
Freedom from the Need to Struggle
God is amazing!! I had the coolest prayer ministry session today. My mom’s pregnancy with me was very difficult physically, mentally and emotionally. I breathed it all in and it got woven into my very being. (I’m a burden bearer too, that didn’t help.) It’s affected my life in so many ways. Through 6 years of inner healing, God’s dealt with so many aspects of this, and the freedom in my life has been incredible.
Today, God went to the taproot, deep in my heart, and freed me from it. Until now, because of all the pain, the trauma and the lies that wove themselves into me during my mom’s pregnancy, I have felt at the depths of my being that I had to struggle for my very existence. It wasn’t a conscious thought; it was an impulse that governed everything I did, and I had no idea it was there. All that my heart and even my physical body knew was all the massive traumas that tried to keep me from being born.
But after today’s session, that’s all gone. What I feel now, in my whole heart, is how much my mom, my dad, and God Himself fought for me and moved mountains to make darn sure I made it into this world. My entire being knows now that this is true. The lies, the pain, the trauma are gone. So is the underlying need to struggle for existence that has permeated my whole life. It’s simply gone.
I’ve already seen a dramatic change in a difficult project I was working on today, before and after the session. And how my whole approach changed afterward (the impossible project became so easy!), now that I don’t have this underlying need to struggle for survival. Peace – in every part of me, body, soul, mind, spirit. God is so good. He loves us so much. And there’s nothing He can’t and won’t do to bring each of us into healing, wholeness, freedom, and deep and lasting peace.
To prove it, I didn’t have a meltdown when Facebook froze after I had typed all this in, and wouldn’t let me post it or even copy it (twice). No frustration, no tantrum, no tears, no temptation to throw the computer out the window. None of my normal “stuff.” Just peace. I calmly retyped it again (finally somewhere offline, where I could then paste it online).
So calm. Every fiber of my being filled with peace. Not one bit shaken. That has never happened with me before. Not ever. Go God!!!!!!!!!!!!!
– Janet, Georgia
Forgiveness and Autoimmune Healing
When we studied forgiveness, I knew I had to forgive my brother and his wife. As I let go of the anger and forgave, my autoimmune issue began to get better and better and better.
– Carol, Georgia
Generational Curse Broken
Praise report and testimony from a thankful new grandmother, after her newborn granddaughter recovered from 48 hours of being unable to eat or digest.
Thanks for covering us in prayer. I just returned this afternoon and proclaim that God is good and the victor. There was a lot of warfare but all is well. I must testify.
There had been a generational curse on my family dealing with childbirth. My maternal grandmother died in childbirth pregnant with her 5th child while my mother was only 10. It reeked havoc in my mother’s life afterward, affected my birth, my relationship with my mother, and my daughter’s birth greatly. Of course, we were all ignorant of these things through the years.
When my daughter got married a few years ago and was talking about having children, she said she wanted children but thought she might adopt as she didn’t think she could handle labor and delivery and had an unnatural fear here. She didn’t know the family history. I had enough of repentance, generational curse, and inner healing teaching at that time to help her. I was able to tell her all the family history, how it affected us, all the details and trauma of her own birth. We then prayed, repented together, and broke off that curse. She said the fear lifted off immediately and an immediate mind shift came.
When she became pregnant, she was elated and wanted to do everything as natural as possible. She did all her preparation work, opted for water birth, and had a Godly confidence that it would all work. God honored that. The baby was full term to the day, her labor was only about 3 hours, she delivered in the water, and had minimal tearing with no drugs. This an 8 lb 2 oz baby. I was talking to her about it later telling her how proud I was of her and for her that it went the way she wanted. She looked at my granddaughter and said I wanted to do this for her. I had really been praising God with a full heart that the curse was broken, and life would be different for the generations to come.
Then came this other situation two days later. They were being overwhelmed by dealing with this after such a wonderful victory. It was an obvious attack to me that the enemy wanted to steal the victory and bring early trauma (Go God for revealing this). The medical intervention was great but they were getting so much conflicting advice that was going against the way they wanted to parent while watching their newborn on IVs, having blood drawn from the heel, etc. When I got there Sunday, they were pretty well wiped out. The Lord gave much opportunity for practical help, encouragement, and to hold the baby, pray over her, and ask for healing for the trauma.
Monday a.m. first thing, they saw their pediatrician for the first time. She was a God-send. She took a long time with them, agreed with their gut-level ideas of parenting (rare for the medical profession). She totally encouraged my daughter to pursue the breastfeeding, getting the baby off the formula and bottle as soon as the milk was strong, and gave her some great tips about how to go about it. She answered all my son-in-law’s questions and reassured them they were right on with their natural instincts and to follow them. She said the baby was healthy, looked good, and was very strong. When they came out, it was like a weight was lifted off of them, and there was a noticeable new lightness.
The last day I was there, the baby was sleeping in 4 hour stretches, the breast milk situation was slowly improving. They were already beginning to reduce the bottle and formula time. Parents were able to get several 3+ hour sleep sessions. My son-in-law is wonderful with baby spending much time with her, holding her, always being there, etc. I had an opportunity to tell him how important it was to her and how he is building basic trust in her. This was a relief to him because of some of the worldly opinions about “spoiling” this baby at this point. To God be the glory!
This was lengthy but I really wanted to give God all the glory, also, to let you know that I am so grateful for yours and everyone’s prayers. I was running on adrenaline, and my prayers were not as much as I had wanted them to be. I also was so grateful for the knowledge of inner healing principles. Thanks for the prayer covering.
I returned home this afternoon after three days that seemed like three years. I told my husband it was a wonderful experience, and I was so glad I could go and help. However, I definitely knew that I was 67 years old, and it had been 33 years since I did this.
– Karen, Georgia
TESTIMONIES FROM INNER HEALING CLASS
Through the Heaviest of Storms
What is gained from the inner healing class is as vast as the reasons each of us were there. We entered the classroom seeking healing from life’s traumas, self doubt, self loathing; some of us had hearts filled with a life time of anger and resentment and some of us with broken hearts … we were an eclectic group of struggling spirits. While I can’t speak for everyone, I can’t imagine that anyone left unchanged. My eyes were opened to allow me to see bitterness and resentments that I have unknowingly carried though my life. I was able to see and dismiss beliefs that have separated me from experiencing a closer relationship to Christ. Then I was gifted with the ability to not only let go of all that I held on to, but to see, forgive and love those that I held resentments toward in a way that had not been possible before.
Through the inner healing class, I gained the ability to look inward and upward without placing blame, being straddled with guilt or walking through life with a hopeless heart. I learned to recognize gifts I never knew I had, in what I had come to believe was a gift less existence. I learned to value my place and gifts in God’s kingdom, to believe in his plan for my life and to see others through his light.
Inner healing has given me the gift of walking with the warmth of the sun through the heaviest of storms. The living God I serve does not promise me a life without trials and tribulation, but gives me the blessed assurance that with each of life’s trials and test that God is there with me, as he is with everyone one of his children. The gift of God’s son Jesus, his blood and the cross provides all the shelter any of us will ever need, we just have to be willing to kneel.
– Tracy, Georgia
To Be at Peace
I took the inner healing class after having gone through the inner healing weekend retreat last summer. I wanted more, I yearned for more. My husband had allowed God to transform him so much and gotten right with the Lord that I too wanted that. Little did I know that taking this class would fulfill my greatest personal wish; one that I had long ago resigned myself to never getting. I wanted desperately to be like the women who seem to be at peace with themselves; happy in their own skin, and able to walk confidently through this world. I found this through God and inner healing. This class helped me get to the roots of my insecurities and my need to please others. Most importantly, it taught me that God made each one of us unique, and not sharing our light was basically saying He made something imperfectly or a mistake. I love knowing that He has His arms around me every day and that with Him by my side, I am free to be me, every grand, glorious part of me can shine now.
– Liza, Georgia
Bringing Things into the Light
I am 66 years old and have walked with the Lord for many, many years. That doesn’t make me anything but old. However, I say it because of all the teachings that I have been blessed to hear over the years, the teachings of inner healing have had the most profound and transforming influence on my life.
When I began the class, I was familiar with the principles of inner healing because of counseling I had been through many years before so I knew basically what would be taught and how valuable the experience would be. However, the Lord, as usual, exceeded my expectations. The presenters and teachers are so loving and transparent while they are speaking transforming truth. Seeing the fruit in their lives really challenges you to want to deal with your issues and change.
The small group experience was the best. It was wonderful to sit with loving and uncondemning people while you bring up issues from the past. For me I was able to address some things that I had never talked about with anyone outside of private prayer with the Lord. Just being able to bring those things into the light and speak them was very freeing. This frees us from the bondage of the enemy and his lies as he always wants us to keep things hidden in darkness. It was also great to listen to other people’s stories. You realize that we all deal with the same issues regardless of background and upbringing. It is all part of the sin nature, and we all need to bring it to Jesus to redeem.
I recommend inner healing to anyone who wants to be free of issues, wants to have a closer walk with the Lord, and to be of greater use in ministry. New Christians would especially benefit. Do it while you are young. Don’t wait until you are my age or older when things get buried so deep under layers of cover up. This is the freedom God wants for all of us. Do it for yourself!
– Karen, Georgia
Healing from Rejection
I struggled with rejection in my life for years, and through the ministry of inner healing and the small group I was in, I received prayer and ministry and was able to hear from the Lord that night as He spoke straight to my heart and called me “the apple of His eye!” He lovingly healed the hurts and wounds in my heart that I had been carrying around for a long time. I was able to forgive those who hurt me. He healed my heart in one night! His love is healing and His joy is my strength!
– Kelly, Georgia
I dug down deep, tore myself apart, pulled up the roots, filled them with God and was truly transformed by taking the inner healing class. I “started over” with God and have begun my new journey with Him (with no more anxiety)! I can’t wait to further this new life – real, peacefully and joyfully! God Rocks!
– Tiffany, Georgia
The True Love of God
When I first started inner healing, I knew that God had some things He wanted me to work on. I was getting visions or dreams and felt that He was trying to show me. The other day my daughter asked me what true love was and now that I’m at the end of the inner healing class, I had to tell her that true love is the unconditional, free, total, here without a doubt love that God has for us. I want to tell everyone I see what God has done for me and them.
– Sherry, Georgia
God Turned My Pain into Peace
In the beginning there was darkness within me. A pain that had become a part of my life. Through inner healing, God didn’t remove the pain – He turned it into peace, joy and an incredible love for His children – even those who had caused the pain. Even more of a blessing – He showed me how He loves and cares for me. I now look in the mirror and see what God sees. I love who God has created! A one-of-a-kind Jennifer – child of God – meant to be and adored. The poop of the past has been spread to grow flowers. God is awesome and He loved me too much to leave me in my poop.
– Jennifer, Georgia
I Am Much Freer
Inner healing has made a huge impact in my life. After sifting through the most recent offenses and hurts caused in my adult life, I was able to “dig deeper” to the underlying hurts from childhood.
Being in a performance oriented home I was always trying to fix everything and everyone. I had the head knowledge that it was God’s job, but still felt compelled to do it (or tried to). I have finally been able to lay that down, understanding that as I pray, God will do the work. Of course I needed everything to be done correctly whether big or small. That trait is also found in teachers. The combination of those two things was scary. My husband is much happier and I am much freer.
I am also a product of parental inversion. Not only did that add to my performance orientation problems, but it also kept me in a childlike mode. I would blame that on not ever having children so I never had the need to grow up. Once my parental inversion issues were dealt with, that need to capture my childhood left, so my tastes and choices began to change, giving me a realization of what my life had been.
I have also received insight into my father’s behavior that to me was inconsistent. My father had no trouble with my mother and I shopping and buying on Saturday, but it was a fight to get school lunch money on a Monday. One of my small group members pointed out that our outward appearance reflected on my father’s abilities as a provider, serving his need, where no one but the family knew about the lunch money. That was a huge revelation to me, helping to put other things in perspective.
I have also gained insight into the Word of God. I have better understanding of many scriptures that were in our homework. I have used my new insights in the college classes I teach and hope to incorporate prayer ministry with the first year students, enabling them to better hear from God and move in the gifts of the Spirit.
– Priscilla, Georgia
Physical Effects of Emotional Pain
It’s no secret that the change in our world’s economy has affected pretty much everyone in some way. My husband works in an area no one would ever dream could be impacted by a failing economy – but some dreams turn out to be nightmares and early last year we began seeing the nightmare slowly unfold before us.
I wasn’t worried. I knew God had us in the palm of His hand and no matter what life brought about, if we remained there – God would use this nightmare for His glory and hopefully to build character in us.
I’m a pretty active person. Or at least I had been until last fall.
Other than some past minor health issues I had been in excellent health. Just before Labor Day little things started occurring physically that concerned me. Those little things turned into some pretty big things and lab tests showed my health was quickly deteriorating. The doctor scheduled me for every imaginable test to learn why.
During this time I shared with a friend about the financial “stuff” we were going through and when she commented that she’d be “sweating bullets” I realized I was actually calm about it all.
As I thanked God for the calm He was providing concerning our finances He politely says “you’re emotionally calm Tammy because you’re manifesting your reaction physically.” If not for inner healing class, I wouldn’t have been able to understand the Biblical principles of how this could happen. A few days later the Lord also let me know I was very bitter with my husband because we didn’t see eye to eye on how to deal with our financial situation. Inner healing also provided me with the tools to deal with the bitterness toward my husband. This bitterness was the root of my very real medical issues.
After God shed His truths concerning the cause of my physical condition and I followed the steps I learned in inner healing, I began to feel relief from the physical symptoms I’d been experiencing. I continued on with the medical testing. The Lord had given me no indication that I should not continue with them and we wanted to rule out every possible cause. However, the more I gave this to God and acted according to His direction the better I got. The last lab work showed me in a healthier state than I had been since even before I started having problems last fall.
I praise God for the opportunity to come to understand the Biblical principles of how the hurts of our past and present situations, whether self inflicted or caused by others can affect us not only mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but also physically, and most of all to understand that we don’t have to stay in that broken state.
I am blessed because God planted me in Dahlonega and in my church family. I am blessed because God saw fit for me to attend inner healing class. I am blessed with relationships made even better because of that training. But the greatest blessing of all is that I have a Father that not only walks with me He also talks with me and loves me warts (healed or not) and all.
– Tammy, Georgia
TESTIMONIES FROM INNER HEALING INTERNSHIP
just as I Am
What the inner healing internship has meant to me and provided me with:
New understanding that God’s ways are far better than man’s (my) ways.
Appreciation of all our quirkiness.
Authenticity is good.
Prayer is powerful and prayer does change things.
Discovering the “place” I can go to be with Jesus and He’s always there!
Challenging reading (Watchman Nee is my new favorite!)
Receiving ministry is important.
Providing ministry strengthens the body of Christ.
God desires to be with me just as I am …. woundings, broken heart and all. I don’t have to clean myself up to be with Him! He does that for me!
– Anne, Georgia
Deeper Core Healing
The greatest benefit of this internship for me is that it has been the major catalyst in stimulating me to deeper core healing. As always, when you dig deep to minister to others, the Lord does a mighty work in you, if you allow Him. Seeing what others in the class were dealing with and praying with them helped me to know that prayer ministry is a correct path for me. It also showed me as well how much more called to Intercession I am than I ever realized, especially intercession for leaders and Pastors.
The reading material, always appropriate for me at the time of the assignment, enlarged my understanding of basic concepts in prayer ministry and healing. The growth here has been huge, but the greater growth in me has been spiritually as I am allowing Jesus more than ever to get to those areas that haven’t totally been dealt with yet.
I have been shown how important it is to make sure that my prayer ministry is laid at the cross and it is not what I have to do to be who I am. It is what I do because of “whose” I am.
– Barbara, Georgia
The inner healing internship has been like Miracle-Gro for my growth as a Christian. I’ve been stretched in areas where I’d always wished I could stretch, but didn’t know I could. I’ve been nurtured and fed, challenged, supported, held accountable, mentored, and encouraged. I’ve learned that being vulnerable and transparent with our wonderful group of fellow interns leads to immeasurable growth, not only as a Christian but also simply as a person. I’ve made mistakes and learned from them. I’ve also learned to rest, to spend quiet time with God, and to just “be” in His presence. I’ve made incredible new friends among the interns and watched as God weaves our lives and ministries together in different ways. Each of the interns is such a treasure to me and I learned and grew so much because of the things they shared and the ways they represented Christ to me. Through this internship, I’ve also received hands-on experience in which the Lord has opened new doors for me and shaped me in the ministry work He’s chosen for me.
Kerri, who leads this inner healing internship, cares deeply about what God is doing in every aspect of her intern’s lives, families, and ministries, and her mentoring is unparalleled with anything I’ve experienced. She leads by example and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit. She is not afraid to be exactly who God created her to be, in all His wild imaginativeness, and she helps her interns walk in that same authenticity. She cries with, cheers with, and speaks the truth in love to her interns. She sees God’s best in them and calls it forth. My life has more dimensions, more wholeness, more color, more life, because of the work God does in this internship. I can’t imagine being in ministry without this foundation. My personal walk with the Lord is far deeper and closer than it would be otherwise.
– Janet, Georgia
A Spiritual Journey of Balance
The inner healing internship has been a spiritual journey of balance. Over the past year Kerri Johnson has provided tools, resources and led by example, practices that have enabled me to mature spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so that through my own journey God can use me to minister to others through prayer.
Kerri has taught me to be transparent so that the broken areas of my life can be healed so that I can effectively minister to others through prayer. Through our group and individually she has provided tools to explore, such as using inner healing principles, ATL (Ask the Lord), and others tools, for becoming an effective prayer minister. I was provided resources through an extensive reading list that was submitted to the Lord for discernment for the most important ones for our group that we discussed and practiced every month. We were provided opportunities to attend and work at seminars on various teachings throughout the year. This helped us to discover our spiritual gifting and learn how to submit this gifting to God so that He can use us.
One of the most important lessons I learned was to have a plan but submit it to the Lord and be willing and trust Him to revise it. A great example of that was one of our weekend retreats. Kerri had a plan to go over several teachings but openly submitted her plan and our time to the Lord, trusting His plan would far exceed our expectations. Wow, what a powerful time of fellowship with each other and our God. I had a spiritual adjustment that has settled a peace over my life.
I am very thankful for the opportunity to get to know Kerri and the other members of inner healing internship over the past year. Through Kerri’s willingness to be transparent with her own life and journey I was introduced to a delightful side of God that is fun loving and willing to go scuba diving in our brains to get our attention. I am grateful for all the ways I am continuing to learn, to trust and submit to God every area of my life so that He can use me to help others in our journey through this life to bring glory to Him and to strengthen His Kingdom.
– Karen, Georgia
The Internship has been life changing for me. The monthly ministry sessions, participating in the inner healing class as an intern, the monthly meetings, the books I read, and our retreats were all impacting, life shattering, and new life experiences that changed me from the inside out.
The monthly ministry sessions are where we meet once or twice a month to receive (as the seeker) and to give (as the prayer minister). I had some very powerful life changing experiences. The biggest one was when God took me back to conception where I had come into agreement with a lie which permeated my whole being for my whole lifetime! I recognized the lie, came out of agreement with it (repented), and began a new life from conception! Life has been different for me. The weight of the world is not on me anymore and I’m not responsible for my extended family. I’m living my life truly as a new creation. I know what that means now!
The inner healing school was so helpful to “go over” again. The students were so open and vulnerable but were in a safe place to be who and where they really are so they could get the healing they needed. I grew to love and respect each one of them.
The monthly meetings were something I looked forward to. Although they were on Sunday afternoons, which might usually be a family and/or rest day, I was willing and enabled (more than enabled) to go and I received so much each month from Kerri and the other interns. The many things Kerri talked with us about and shared with us will take months, probably years, to get hold of and come into. I am thankful for all the doors she opened for me.
The books I read … Wow! That’s a tough one – tough to pick one to talk about so I will just have to say how diversified they are! From The Final Quest by Rick Joyner (a vision unfolding of the last battle between light and darkness) to The Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You by James G. Friesen, E. James Wilder, et al. (which was life changing) to Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (another life changer) to Sheet Music by Kevin Leman (a marriage changer!). Also, a book on dreams, Understanding the Dreams You Dream by Ira and Judy Milligan, which has been very helpful in understanding God’s communication with me in the night, has opened new doors of understanding.
The last, but definitely not least, was our retreat with special visitors. I was impacted and changed by my time with them. It is too much to talk about at this time. I am still processing it. What they spoke has, is, and is being done.
Two quotes they said (to the group) were: (1) “Take care of the things that are dear to God and He will take care of the things that are dear to you.” This is from the story Hudson Taylor’s grandson told where 4 children were taken by the Communist soldiers and God gave the mother, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God … and all these things will be added unto you.” Then the Lord gave her the above quote. The next day, here the 4 children come walking down the street to their home. The soldiers had let them go and nothing happened to them. (2) The second quote was, “If you had been the perfect parent your children still have a free will.”
– Susan, Georgia
God Has Grown Me as a Person
Kerri, I want to share this testimony about your internship and how God has used it to grow me and heal me. I appreciate when He gives us markers (good and bad) so we can measure what He’s done. This all just came to me this morning.
Four years ago, someone became abusive with me over the phone and threatened to uproot my life. I was so shut down from the conversation that you had to pray trauma off me and you sent me to my sister’s cabin in the mountains so I could recover. I spent the whole first day at the cabin screaming so hard at God that I lost my voice, and that night three tornadoes passed by the cabin. I texted you to ask if it was possible to lose one’s salvation from screaming at God. This was the first time in my entire life that I had questioned my salvation. You replied, “He can’t not love you.”
I came home and started the summer semester at school while suddenly having to find a new place to live. I became so shut down and unable to cope that I had to get ministry from you and another prayer minister, and you all had to help me when I withdrew from school in the middle of the semester, losing my tuition and having to jump through many hoops (which you all helped me through) to get my “F” grades changed to “W.” Three years would pass before I would re-enroll in school.
That same summer, I enrolled in my second year of your internship. In the past four years of internship, I have experienced phenomenal growth, including being able to recover more quickly and to begin responding in place of reacting.
So, here we are, four years later. Once again, I have been faced with a difficult and painful circumstance through the whole month of April and resurfacing during finals week. And yes, I had to take time off from classes during that time. But I asked for and was granted an extension and successfully made up the work.
And yes, I knocked a painting off the wall yesterday. I am a work in progress, like everyone else. But I also came home last night and finished (successfully) and turned in my first of four finals, and I printed out the next final for that class, as well as the study sheet for the other class’s two finals. And I will complete the semester. I also had the presence of mind on Saturday, instead of stressing over finals and running like a rat in a maze, to just spend the evening sitting with God by the lake, and the presence and priority to spend yesterday in the sanctuary with God, instead of watching the “clock” of finals week tick by.
This is a huge testimony of what God has done in my heart and life through your internship. Thank you (beyond words) for pouring out to your interns in the ways that you do. This has truly changed my life. Inner Healing class turned my heart around, and God used it to literally save my life (from cancer and the generational curse of premature death). Through the internship, He has deeply healed my heart and grown me as a person. And continues to do so every day.
I’ve heard you ask this question in a sermon before: “Are you the same person today that you were yesterday?” I am grateful to God (and to you) that I can truly answer your question with, “I am definitely not the same person today that I was yesterday.”
– Janet, Georgia
TESTIMONIES FROM INTERNSHIP PRAYER MINISTRY SESSIONS
Generational Foundational Lie Uncovered
Sounds like the title of a book! Actually, it is the title of the next chapter of my healing journey. I came to my prayer ministry session with ugly fruit in my life; I have been critical and judgmental towards my husband. I didn’t want to be like this but I couldn’t seem to stop the response from within. So I brought this to the Lord with a prayer minister who could journal what was coming out of my heart and bring me back to repentance or recognizing lies and/or inner vows for the purpose of coming out of agreement with the lies and hearing God’s truth and to break/renounce inner vows. Hallelujah!!
As I shared about the bad fruit I began to see me as a little girl who didn’t get her needs met. It was further discovered that I had judged my Daddy for not meeting me heart to heart. I first had to recognize that I had needs that had not been met and then forgive my Daddy for not meeting them and repent for judging him and making a judgment about all men that they will not/are not able to meet my needs (or my children’s needs) or meet heart to heart. I also had to repent for not honoring myself and acknowledging my needs and validating them.
Then the Lord showed me a generational lie from my grandmother on my Mother’s side that “our needs don’t matter and we are just here to serve men.” (This grandmother was the wife of a freemason.) So I forgave Grandmother for teaching me this and asked Jesus to replace this lie with the truth. Here is what He said: “Your needs do matter to me and they’ve always mattered.” “I’m sorry your needs didn’t get met.” “It’s not too late.” I was able to sit there and be with Him and let Him fill in the places in my little girl heart with His love.
I also repented for all the ways I’ve communicated to my children that their needs weren’t important, and I gave my children to Jesus.
This weekend I will be visiting my Daddy so I am looking forward to seeing how that “feels.” And, of course, I am looking forward to the changes in my relationship with my husband.
Thank you, God, for continual inner healing and for loving me so much that You don’t leave me where I am.
– Susan, Georgia
Reconnecting the Generations
The Lord showed me that I had put judgments against my grandparents, most particularly my maternal grandfather. My maternal grandmother died in childbirth when my mother was 10 years old. Her father remarried shortly after. My mother and her three siblings went to live with various relatives. My mother never talked about her life. We never knew her father even though he was alive until I was 19. He never visited us or called. There were no pictures of him in the house. The very few comments my mother made were that her step mother did not want them, and they went to live with relatives. She obviously was bitter and hurt.
Recently I had found myself saying things like “My mother’s father abandoned the children.” The Lord admonished me in my spirit that I did not know what really happened as I was not there. I was judging people I didn’t ever know. Over the past few months I have asked the Lord to let me know who these people (maternal grandparents) were. To me they were just people who lived once and had a name – nothing more. As I have moved through all the prayer ministry sessions, there has come more of an identification. These were people with hopes and dreams that didn’t set out for life to turn out so miserably. I have asked the Lord to show me the good of these people and their generations and have felt more connected as a blood line. I think the judgments that I had put on my maternal grandfather were hindering God’s further revelation here as to what they were like. After the session the Lord gave me the word “stalwart” to describe them. This means strong and unyielding, resolute, firm.
– Karen, Georgia
A Huge Shift
I had two prayer ministry sessions this month with different prayer ministers. God linked those sessions together. So it’s only right to combine my testimony into one.
My first session (before Easter) I had always looked at my marriage with my ex-husband and what happened with my son was this big huge red x on my timeline. (My timeline represents my life.) I felt like I just couldn’t get away from this huge x. So The Lord came in and washed the x so it wasn’t red anymore then made some of the x disappear. Then He showed me I was just curled up in His lap like a cat and He was just stroking my back. So by the end of that session I felt like not only I got away from that x but The Lord washed it clean and took some of it away! Thank you Lord!! And to this day I don’t look or feel the same about my x now.
Today I had a session and my son came up. My heart has been so overwhelmed with grief because my son is not in my life. I told The Lord that I understand that His timing is everything. Everything has to be right for every person involved. And only He knows what that looks like. But my heart is overwhelmed because my son is not in my life due to the fact that I am not there to hug him, do things for him and see him every day.
So God shows me a curtain and He is behind it saying, “I’m working behind the scene.” And then He shows me this path and I am walking on it. He is a light at my feet showing me the way. And He tells me it’s not time yet. Meaning it’s not time for my son to come back into my life like I want or like I think he should be. So I tell The Lord I don’t like this!!! And I was in His lap, so He takes me by the arms off his lap and stands me up right in front of Him and says, “I know you don’t like it,” in such a way that I am okay that He knows I don’t like it.
But then He shows me my son’s heart beating, and I’m on my knees in front of it praying for him. Every time I pray for my son, his heart beats faster. God puts His hands on my son’s heart and shapes and molds it every time I say a prayer for him. Then God says, “You pray for him.” And my biggest thing was, “God, when are You going to bring my son into my life?” Even though He said it’s not time yet, He also said that is a part of trusting Him with my son. So I gave my son back to Him.
But just those words of “I know you don’t like it,” and The Lord showing me my son’s heart beating faster, and The Lord molding and shaping my son’s heart every time I prayed for him! That is huge! Glory be to God!!!
These two sessions were a big deal to me. I already feel a huge shift! The Lord is so good and sweet!!!
– Crystal, Georgia
Learning to Rest
I’ve been struggling to feel at rest when I’m in motion. I do okay resting when I take time off, but when I’m working it’s hard to rest in God’s Spirit. While I was in Guatemala, I experienced rest while working. I need to do more of that at home.
Jesus showed me that from a young age I was “brainwashed” into always having to stay active. Rest was considered “a problem.” When I was married, and very sick, trying to rest and recover, my husband’s words echoed my mom’s: “If I see you resting, there’s going to be trouble.”
Of course, I wanted to forgive my husband and my mom for instilling in me the “fear of resting.” The cool thing about this session is that Jesus helped me see where their fear drove them to instill this fear in me. Since I could now see their words, not as abuse toward me, but as driven by their own fears, I was able to forgive and let it go.
I feel much more at peace now and looking forward to walking it out. This session made me feel like I had visited a spa. I love that it took place in my office, because I was able to see my office through more restful, less stressful eyes. Go God!
– Janet, Georgia
More Layers Revealed and Peeled
I have known for a long time that the Lord wants me to move to a deeper level of intercession. It has also been a desire of mine to move deeper and be more accurate in intercession—less speaking and more listening—then speaking what I hear. He has been speaking to me a very long time about getting into more fasting. I do fast some but I know it is not to the level He desires. He is not calling for a regimen but a spontaneity to respond and obey when He is talking to me about it. I seem to drag my feet and put it off as long as possible. I am much disciplined with exercise and healthy eating. However, I don’t like to miss a meal and go hungry. Don’t ask me to give up my smoothie or salad. I repented of making food an idol, caring more about a meal than the needs of God’s people (a callousness), and not wanting to get out of my comfort zone. Sad to say but I would miss God’s best for the sake of a banana smoothie.
During the prayer ministry session He also revealed that there was a fear of getting sick, being hungry, or having a migraine headache while fasting. This was also generational besides my own buying into it. I have had migraines in the past apart from fasting but the Lord healed me of them a long time ago. The times I have fasted I have never gotten sick or had a headache. I seem to be okay once I am into the fast. I feel good and the spiritual rewards are great. I love the results. I know this but there was still a block. I still would procrastinate or outright ignore His prompting to fast.
I repented of the fears and asked God for a change of heart and His grace to be obedient here. I can’t move forward in what He wants me to do until I can become instantly obedient and spontaneous. The flesh is weak. I want to be more passionate about God and His people than the needs of my stomach.
A second issue that was not as involved that came up in this session was a generational repentance that was needed. My family lines are all solidly Germanic. There has been a strong pride, arrogance, and superiority come through the bloodlines. There was a lot of prejudice, and it was fueled by freemasonry in the generations. I repented for this and any ways that it has subtlety played out in my life. I felt God’s grief in my heart of these ways of thinking through the generations.
These two issues seemed totally unrelated during the session, and I asked the Lord to show me the connection. About a day later I saw the connection. Both are hindrances to intercession. The food/fasting issue is obvious. The Germanic issue had to do with intercession for nations and people groups which is something I do as the Lord leads. The whole thing was very interesting as another layer is yet revealed and peeled off. Praise the Lord.
– Karen, Georgia
The Fear Is Gone
I had some recent situations where I needed to speak up and was afraid to. When my prayer minister asked the Lord where the fear was coming from He showed me my Mother withdrawing when I confronted her and the lie I believed was “everyone will leave me when I speak up.” So I confessed and repented for believing this lie and forgave my Mother. When I forgave her the lie just crumbled. I also blessed my Mother (although she is not living).
The prayer minister asked the Lord to go into my heart, in the place where my Mom withheld love, and speak His truth and love there. I saw light, sunshine shining in, filling in that place in my heart. The prayer minister asked the Lord to speak to that place in my heart that believed people will leave me when I speak up. The Lord showed me a shriveled up heart, then blood began to pump up the heart. The blood-filled heart is bigger than the fear! The blood and heart are for the body and so there is no way anyone can leave me and I can’t leave them because we are all in this body together! My life is in the blood! It’s not about sucking life out of people, it’s about living!
I also recognized that I had made a vow that said, “I’ll never say what I think again! I’ll keep my mouth shut to keep peace!” So I renounced this inner vow and the ways I have used to fulfill it (not speaking up or speaking truth when needed). I asked God to forgive me for relying on this inner vow. I forgave my Mother for tempting me to make it. I asked God to forgive me for judging her. I asked the Lord Jesus to nail this inner vow to His cross, along with all the ways I have fulfilled it, and asked Him to bring new life where this inner vow once brought death.
Fear of losing people when I speak up or speak the truth is gone! The lie has been exposed, forgiveness given where needed, and God’s truth has been written in my heart.
– Susan, Georgia
Letting Myself Be Cared For
I went into a prayer session being mad at my husband for not taking care of me. I felt like something had happened in our relationship where I was taking care of him. I felt as if we had switched rolls in the marriage. I was the head of the household providing financially and the spiritual leader as well.
The Lord showed me that really I was angry with my Dad for not being there and taking care of me. So I forgave his actions and The Lord showed me who He made my Dad to be, a strong provider. He then showed me as a baby and The Lord was holding me. My head was on Jesus’ big strong muscle while my Dad was standing in front of us all messy. The Lord told me my Dad’s mess is between my Dad and The Lord and while he was messy I was in The Lord’s arms being taken care of.
The Lord then showed me standing in front of my ex-husband. My ex-husband appeared all bruised and beaten up, but I felt anger towards him because I had to support him. I had three children and always had two jobs, sometimes three, and I still supported him. The Lord told me there I made an inner vow that no man would or could take care of me. So I came out of agreement with that inner vow.
– Crystal, Georgia
Now I Know I Am Loved
I came to my prayer ministry time with two issues: not honoring myself and seeing bad fruit and wanting to find out why. The bad fruit was my critical spirit towards my husband and no matter how much I tried I could not seem to overcome it or have different feelings. What I saw was that I had become my Mother (critical of her husband). Yikes!!
There was a judgment on my part toward my Mother for her being critical of my Daddy, and I judged my Daddy for not standing up for himself, speaking up, or having opinions. So I repented for judging my Mother and asked the Lord to bring my sowing and reaping to the cross. Then I repented for judging my Daddy.
God took me further. He began to deal with self-hatred. This is why I can’t honor myself. He took me back to a time when a girl had said some very mean and hurtful things to me (some of which were, “I hate you”) and I took them into my heart and believed these things about myself. The prayer minister asked Jesus what He wanted to say about that, and I saw Him holding a shield over me and all the words being deflected off of me and not hurting me as I was huddled beneath the shield. He removed the words and their effects off of me completely!!
I had felt that my criticalness was coming from the self-hatred, since you can’t love others until you love yourself, and I had also been very critical and hard on me. So then we looked at why I had received those words from that girl and believed them.
God took me deeper still. Since the womb I have felt unloved by my Mother. God reminded me of a picture I had seen on TV of a person drowning in a see-through container of water and it affected me so terribly, as if I could feel the feelings that person was feeling that was drowning. So we asked the Lord, “What’s that about?” He reminded me of a time when I was about two or three that I almost drowned. I was holding onto a beach ball and the ball turned over and I was holding on underneath the water! My Mother came to the rescue and saved me. God showed me at that moment the love my Mother had for me. She really did love me!! And all these years I have been living like an unloved person!
This changes everything … how I feel about myself, how I feel about my Mother. So I just let Jesus talk to me about how much my Mother loved me. He even went back to the womb experience when Mom didn’t know what to do but she loved me so much she hired someone to help. In the past, I felt she didn’t love me so she hired someone to take care of me. Jesus can turn everything around once He speaks the truth to you. I even heard him say, “She thought you were the cat’s pajamas.” (That’s not even an expression I use.)
So, my relationship with me was healed. I feel this is why I haven’t been able to honor myself. During the debriefing after my session, I was asked if I repented and broke a death wish over myself because I tried to kill myself as a teenager. So I was led through a prayer repenting for that and breaking off the death wish curse. Bonus!!
My relationship with my Mother has changed. She is no longer on this earth but I feel loved by her, really loved by her, and that she always loved me and that fills me up. My relationship with my husband has changed, or it should be changed; I haven’t gotten to try it out yet. But I feel sure that the critical feelings will not be there.
God is so good to not leave us alone in our own feelings but speaks the truth to us and changes the whole picture, in this case, my life. Thank you, God.
– Susan, Georgia
Exchanging Lies for Truth
I came into my prayer ministry session wondering why I struggle so much with speaking truth in love. Especially I struggle with people’s reactions to what I say. The Lord took me back to two instances when I was young. One was before the age of six, when things were still getting hard-wired into my brain. In the first instance, I had made new friends at day camp. Toward the end of the week, they turned on me. I made a judgment that “people will befriend me just to hurt me.” This set me up for a lot of fear in relating with others.
When I was eight to ten years old, I had a group of close friends, all of whom hated each other. I always felt like I was leading the United Nations in my school yard. My daily “job” was to put out their fires and try and “keep peace.” When one friend began to really bully another, I confronted her. It did not go well. Not to be dissuaded, I told a teacher. That friend turned against me for a time. Eventually she came back.
Despite that all turned out well, fear got the better of me. Like making it through a trauma okay, and then afterward the fear of what happened hits you. I made a vow I was never going to go through that again. Confrontation and speaking the truth weren’t worth it. The Lord reminded me of how the same thing happened with my mom, and later with my husband. I confronted each of them one time, it did not go well, and so I said, “I won’t do that again.” The Lord also brought to mind how similar that childhood friend was to both my husband and my mom.
As He began to show me where my outspokenness and inability to use it correctly, as well as fear of speaking the truth, came from, I began to see how similarly my mom and I are wired. All the things I did not like about her stemmed from her perceiver gift, and I am the same way. I was grateful He showed me how truly similar we are, both in being able to forgive her and repent for judging her, as well as being able to live now in knowing I have inherited many blessings from her, and to remember the good sides of her personality.
Since this session was just yesterday, I have not had any circumstances of speaking truth or having to correct someone. But I will be looking to see if the fruit is different next time. I do feel a lot more peace inside when I think about speaking the truth, and I feel a lot more joy in knowing that I no longer have to be afraid of the memories of my mom because we are both so much the same. God has brought a whole new perspective on that, and I am so grateful. I will enjoy now remembering her. Go God!!!
– Janet, Georgia
Everything Will Be Okay
Before this session, I had gone through the healing of being released from spiritual captivity. I proceeded to tell my prayer minister how different I felt, but that I knew the enemy had been whispering to me that week. He kept questioning my joy. How could I have joy when my son was not in my life? I really felt like he was trying to pull me back into a captive spirit. So my prayer minister and I went to The Lord and asked Him what all of that was about.
The Lord said the word “fear,” that I had made a vow things would not be okay. He then showed me a memory I had forgotten about! I was nine and my Mom and stepdad were getting a divorce. My Mom was leaving and going to my Grandmother’s house while my stepdad was staying at our house with my sister and me. I was at the top of the driveway watching her drive away and right then is when I made the inner vow things will never be okay!
So Jesus and I talked about this inner vow, and my prayer minister and I broke it. But then I started talking about the driveway and how yucky it looked to me. It was scary and I didn’t like it at all. So Jesus took my hand and walked me down to the street through the front yard in the grass. And when we made it down to the street He looked at me and said, “Don’t fear. It’s going to be okay. I walked you around the yucky driveway [which represents abandonment and fear, and that’s why I didn’t like it], and I will get you around this situation with your son.
And from Jesus just walking me through some grass, I am at peace and know it’s all going to be okay with my son and I am supposed to have joy. That’s a gift my redeemer gives me!!
– Crystal, Georgia
Do Not Pour Water on a Fire God Is Tending
Because of some critical circumstances going on in some very close friends’ lives, I almost fell into the rescue mode which I have done so many times in my life. So the prayer minister and I brought the whole “rescue thing” to the Lord again to look at, and actually there has been real growth in that area. But a foundational lie was exposed which has kept the tendency to “rescue” alive. The lie was this: Good Christian = good works; or, to love = performance; or, good works are how you show people God. I felt so compelled to do something when I saw a huge need! I was also afraid of what people would think of me if I didn’t do what they thought I should. So when we prayed, I not only nailed the lie to the cross, but the Lord also removed the fear of what people will think of me if I don’t do what they think I should. Amazing!!
– Susan, Georgia
I had a topic in mind for my prayer ministry session, but as the prayer minister started praying and asking God for direction I kept hearing I needed to forgive my aunt. I reluctantly told this to the prayer minister, saying I have no desire to talk about her or to forgive her, she brought Death to my childhood home. The prayer minister prayed some more as I argued with God. Can you believe I actually argued and told God I did not want to forgive my aunt? I don’t want a relationship with her and I saw no point in it.
Well as you can imagine I didn’t argue long and settled in with a huff of all right, let’s do it. I told my prayer minister the story of my aunt having marital problems and moving her kids into our house when I was maybe in the 2nd grade. That made eight kids and three adults in our home. There seemed to be no hope of ever having a room of my own or ever getting to be by myself. As you can imagine there was great turmoil trying to live with everyone’s personality and level of suffering. Then came her estranged husband. You would think this was a good thing to be reconciled except he brought drugs into our house. He thought it was okay and cool to smoke pot and helped my oldest brother to take up the habit, which led him to harder drugs. Four wives and six children later he died at 43 of liver failure.
As my prayer minister gently led me through the session and the memories God was showing me, I realized that it was my mother that allowed my aunt to bring her family and death to our home. I could hardly believe it, but it was true. My mother was who I needed to forgive. She was the one that I really blamed for not keeping us safe.
The rotten fruit that I was bearing because of this unforgiveness was that I was determined to not let family or anyone else harm my child or my sister so I purposefully closed my home to anyone, to protect my son, and I tried to keep my sister from growing up and making wrong decisions about the people in her life.
As my prayer minister led me through prayers of forgiveness I realized that I needed to cut my sister free. It came to my attention later that at the very moment I cut the ties my sister was at an interview and got a job in another state which has started a new chapter and adventure in her life. And my son started embracing college life by joining a college youth group at a local church. It is amazing how forgiveness can free not only ourselves but those we love to be all that God intends for us.
As a follow up, due to my sister leaving the condo that was bought with money Mom left her, I am now back in a relationship with my other brother and his family. We are having to deal with a condo that we really do not want and needs repairing. I have found I really like him. Imagine that.
– Karen, Georgia
There Is Time to Grieve
My prayer ministry session was short and sweet but very life changing. I actually wrote in my journal: “Need some time to cancel the inner vow that says: There’s not time to grieve.” So when I went to this prayer ministry session that’s exactly what we did. Our internship reading this month was on grief, and I had been experiencing griefs that I thought were long gone. I discovered in the process that I had this vow going on that had locked me up from fully experiencing grief, and I wanted to cancel the inner vow with a prayer minister. God made the time for me and allowed me, in the presence of a prayer minister, to renounce the inner vow and ask forgiveness for relying on this inner vow. Then the prayer minister prayed a prayer asking Jesus to nail this inner vow to His cross and she spoke to my heart, mind, spirit and body to no longer obey this inner vow; and for God to bring new life where this inner vow once brought death.
– Susan, Georgia
No Longer a Gerbil on a Wheel
I had noticed a pattern in my life of a cycle that was controlling me. In the spirit I saw myself as a gerbil on a wheel going around and around and never getting off. It had to do with impulsive buying then an inward demand that I had to use it because I could not waste anything. It only had to do with food and health food supplements. In the natural I am not a big spender, do not like a lot of “stuff” and do not like to shop. Generally, I do not accumulate and dislike clutter. However, in the area of food/supplements there was this pattern.
There was a pattern/cycle that operated between my parents also. They were raised in dire poverty, went through the Depression, and were very frugal mostly out of fear because of their life experiences. My mother was a “hoarder” who stockpiled for fear of not being able to get what it is needed. My father was the opposite. He bought almost nothing for fear of something going to waste. His motto to all of us was “Waste not, want not.”
The last few years of my mother’s life she was in very poor health and could not go to the grocery store. My father would go and buy almost nothing. The refrigerator hardly had anything in it. They did well financially at this time of life so there was no reason to be so tight. It was a constant battle between them during this time. I had judged him for being stingy with her.
The Lord showed me that these habits of his at that time caused my mother great emotional distress when she was already in a time of stress because of health issues. Food was a battle and increased all their fears. I repented for them and myself in all these areas.
The Lord took this back further as I saw the word “control” strongly flowing through the generations on my father’s side. In prayer the Lord gave me the words “German” and “militaristic.” We are strong German heritage on both sides. I prayed through a German heritage prayer and repented of the control that came through the generations. All this had programmed and controlled me in this area of food, etc. I was impressed from the German prayer of the strong thought control and training of youth to a robotic and mechanical existence. I have felt a freedom in this area since this session, and no longer see myself as the gerbil on the wheel.
– Karen, Georgia
From Striving to Trusting
The Lord reminded me of a time when I became triggered as a Mom. I went into a meltdown and felt like I wanted to give up “motherhood” and run away. As I asked the Lord about this, He revealed that I had made an inner vow that said, “I will do whatever my children ask me to and that is the way to be a good Mom.” So I worked hard at helping them and being the best Mom I possibility could.
My prayer minister and I prayed to cancel the power of an inner vow. Even good vows are not good because they are made in our own strength, shutting out the grace and help of God and thereby relying on our own strength and determination. That set me up to strive to help my children, so I also prayed to end the striving.
– Crystal, Georgia
Bringing Truth to a Distorted Picture
I was getting ready to lead a youth retreat weekend and I was terrified beyond reason. Amazing how God planned my prayer ministry session for two days before the weekend. He brought to my spirit a memory of when I was a teenager on a camping trip. Things went terribly wrong with one of the girls – she got lost in a swamp, and we had to find her. We were delayed getting home. My mom, having received a call that we would be late but not knowing the whole story, was waiting in the driveway. She went ballistic on my Girl Scout leader and on me. I was 13 years old, and my mom blamed me for the entire incident, for “being irresponsible.” I was immediately withdrawn from my Girl Scout troop that had done so much for my growth, and I was continually blamed for everything that happened that night. The incident affected how some of the other parents and kids acted toward me after that.
I had taken all of that into my heart and believed I was truly responsible for all the mishaps, and that’s what my upcoming teen retreat weekend was triggering. Jesus showed me not only where He was during the camping trip difficulties when I was 13 (rescuing the lost girl and helping us all get safely home), but He also showed that I had done nothing wrong. He brought back to mind the enormity of the scare we had with that lost girl (I had blocked that part of the memory all these years), and that my mom was way out of line with her reactions. I was able to forgive my mom, and also to look back and see how concerned everyone was for me that night, when they saw my mom’s reactions. (Jesus has a way of bringing a distorted picture into focus to see the truth.) I also recognized that my mom had reacted so strongly out of her own fear for my well-being.
The healing that Jesus did in my heart during this session was evident going into the teen retreat weekend. I had no fear, I was able to rest in His arms and let Him lead, and we had an amazing time. Even one night when things got difficult, I was able to respond and not react, and stayed focused on God. I can’t wait for the next retreat. Go God!!!!!!!!!
– Janet, Georgia
Security in God
I came face to face with an issue that I thought was “just the way that I am” but it isn’t the way God intended for me to be; He wanted me to trust in Him and find my security in Him, but I had tried to take care of myself and do it my way.
Because of the circumstances around my life, like, my Mother not knowing how to take care of me or what to do, I didn’t feel secure so I decided in the womb that I would have to be in control to be secure. I actually made an inner vow that said just that: “I have to be in control to be secure.” So my prayer minister and I broke the inner vow that went all the way back to conception. Now I can begin to experience what it’s like to not be in control to be secure, but let Jesus be in control and find my security in Him.
– Susan, Georgia
Correction and Mercy
I had noticed recently an inner reaction to women in authority especially when constructive suggestions are being offered. I would go away with a feeling that I had been hung out on a line and “left” to dry. The word “left” was strong.
The Lord took me to the parenting practices of my mother and father. My father was gone most of the time and rarely home to discipline. He was also very harshly critical with his tongue. I was one of those children raised without understanding and teaching of a correct way of doing things. I was just “expected to know.” Then when I did wrong, I was criticized. When my mother died many years before my father, my sister and I realized she had been a buffer between our father and us. Many things never got to us. Then when my father was home and was verbally reprimanding, she would remain silent. After correction, I was “left” wondering where the mercy was.
Years ago I had realized that I had a problem with men in authority and that I had transferred this to God. The Lord has worked almost all that out regarding men. This was the first time I had seen it with women. I had also transferred to God this feeling of being “left.” After repentance, the Lord showed me that He is loving correction and mercy all rolled into one. It was a beautiful picture of His completeness.
– Karen, Georgia
Ready to Be Free of Anger
In my prayer ministry session, The Lord said let’s deal with anger. This was an emotional follow up from a previous session, so I thought that was cool and interesting. I had been triggered in anger a lot here lately. And I didn’t know where it was coming from.
So in the session, The Lord took me to my Dad and said I was angry at him and I blamed him. So we dealt with that. But over the past few days I felt it goes much deeper than that.
This morning in my time with Jesus I was writing about it, asking Him what all this anger is about. And as I sit here just on the couch, I am furious, crying because I’m so mad about something in my life that doesn’t even have to do with my Dad. I know The Lord used this last prayer session to deal with anger so He could tender me up to move deeper in this. And I am so glad because I’m so ready for Him to get to the bottom of it!
– Crystal, Georgia
My Mom Really Cared
This was an interesting session (actually, they are all interesting!) in that I felt like the little one inside me was screaming at God with all her hurt and frustration, while I (the 48-year-old Janet) was trying to tell her that she needs to put on her big girl clothes and move on with it, that God is good and faithful and she needs to accept what He offers and stop screaming. I love how the more God works in our hearts, we begin to speak truth to our own hearts, testifying to what He has done. He is so good.
The Lord brought to mind some fear issues I had, from early childhood all the way back to the womb, of not growing into a healthy child. I had various medical issues stacked up against me, and my little one thought this was too much. But it wasn’t too much for God. When we invited Jesus into the little one’s heart, He let me know that He understood my pain, felt it Himself, never left my side, and fought for me the entire time.
When I was little and I would get seriously ill, I thought my mom was callous for never expressing emotion and not allowing me to express it, either. Instead, the Lord showed me how scared she was. I remembered my mom telling someone, once, that I was a mystery to her. When something scary happened, my mom would get really quiet, but I would babble. She wondered, “Doesn’t Janet realize how scary this is?” And then my mom said she finally realized, “Oh. She’s nervous too. She just expresses it differently from me.”
When He brought that conversation back to my mind, I realized my mom really did care that I was sick, she just didn’t show it in the way I expected. I was able to repent for judging her and for vowing to shut off my emotions, and I was able to forgive her and begin honoring her in ways I never did before. The timing amazes me, because shortly after this session, a medical problem emerged and I needed to seek help from a doctor. Because of the healing Jesus brought in this session, I was able to get past my fears and go for help, walking in His peace. God is so good.
– Janet, Georgia
Allowing Myself to Grieve
The day of my prayer ministry session was my quiet day and I was reading the booklets on grief from the Stephen Ministries. I got in touch with some grief from 10 years ago that was still there and had not been acknowledged. My best friend died from cancer and left eight children and I was so grieved for them that it overshadowed my own grief. Now, 10 years later, I am realizing I never grieved for my own loss. I spent the day in tears grieving over the loss of my friend, what I had lost.
So when I came to my prayer ministry session, my prayer minister just listened while I shared whatever I wanted to, to let my grief out. She even asked questions like, Tell me about some special times you had with her. We actually spent the entire two hours allowing me to open my heart about my friend and who she was to me, the great loss I encountered, and how there has never been anyone else like her in my life, and so that is why I have such a great desire for true friendship because I actually got to experience it once upon a time. That longing is still there and no one person has been able to fill her place but it did help to get in touch with all of this and have someone have the time and interest and compassion to listen.
We ended with praying a prayer for unresolved grief. It was a different type of prayer ministry. There is no box for it because there is no box for grief; it is all different and it can hit everyone differently. Grief has to be drained out and the only way is to have a listening ear.
I gave myself time and permission to grief. Being a burden bearer we can overlook our own pain at times because we are so overwhelmed with the pain and loss of others. This was what I was dealing with, an unresolved grief. I plan on going to her grave site soon and sharing even more of my heart. I also recently texted her older daughter and said, “I have been thinking about your Mother lately – about the best friend she was to me and that there is no one who can replace her – and wanting to go to the cemetery. You had a wonderful Mother and her memory lives on and inspires me.” Then the daughter wrote back and said, “I’ve been thinking about her too. It’s always good to hear how she affected people.”
– Susan, Georgia
All God Intends Me to Be
I had recognized an underlying attitude in me toward men that men use women. There was an underlying anger that men are careless with women’s hearts. The word “betrayal” was strong and flowed through my inner being. The Lord took me back to some incidences during my first marriage where there were several times of betrayal and being used. I not only had to forgive my first husband for these specific events but I had to forgive myself for not standing up for myself. This resulted in shame and believing lies that I was a worthless person. I had disconnected from who I was through these events because of the pain. Unconsciously, I said to myself that I would not be this person if this is what happens to her.
After this area of repentance was prayed through, the Lord also revealed that this was generational. There was a judgment against men in general that they use women and easily betray them to gain their own satisfaction. This was coming through my mother’s side of the family. I repented not only for myself but for the generations. There was prayer for restoration of all that the enemy had stolen and for all that had been thrown away through these life experiences and that I could reconnect with all I am and all God intends for me to be.
– Karen, Georgia
Out of My Comfort Zone
I came to this session feeling overwhelmed with “fear of man” and wanting to hide, or at least not to put myself out there. God is calling me more and more to share with others in open public forums, and that scares me. He took me to some incidents in my adult life in which, after sharing and being vulnerable, some folks got upset and lashed out at me publicly. I realized in my head they were lashing out at Christ, but in my heart, I took the pain. This led my heart to desire disobedience. Granted, I continue to walk in obedience but my heart kicks and screams and expects the worst. And yes – the Lord has told us we will experience the worst as we follow Him, that it’s not easy. But that doesn’t mean I need to defile everyone with my bitter root expectations of the worst, and draw out of them the very negative reactions I expect.
The Lord then took me to childhood and how this had all started with my judgments against my mom. I made vows not to trust anyone with my heart and to protect myself. The Lord showed I was wearing false armor and I agreed to let Him replace it with His armor. He spoke to my heart of His sorrow for the ways I got hurt, and then asked if I will follow Him wearing His armor, trust my heart fully to Him and keep it open to others. He said wherever He asks me to share with folks, He will be there waiting, and it’s actually He who is sharing through me. I agreed and gave Him these parts of my heart that I had withheld since childhood. I prayed forgiveness and repentance for the things I’d gone through that led to my withdrawing my heart and taking on the false armor.
Since that day, God has really nudged me out of my comfort zone to share publicly, and I have not been afraid. Actually I’ve been excited to see what He will do!
– Janet, Georgia
Discovering My Own Feelings
I haven’t dreamed in a while and wouldn’t you know it but I had a dream the morning before the prayer ministry session! It was a crazy dream but it made perfect sense to me after we dissected it and looked up what everything meant in the dream book and what I had been going through that week.
Here’s the dream: I was standing talking with a lady (no one I know) in a house and we were on the lower level but could see up to the upper level, kind of like a split level with only about eight steps going to the upper level. The upper level was the kitchen and as we were talking I looked up the stairs and the kitchen was on fire. I went up to tend to it and it was the oven but as I looked at it the flames went out. I even put my hand close to the oven to see if it was hot and it wasn’t even hot! Then I saw this cat next to the stove and fire was on him – he was controlling the fire! Crazy, huh?
What I feel like the Lord is showing me here is that I do a lot of “cooking up evil” in my imagination (the oven) which comes from a spirit of fear which is deceptive (the cat) and it causes me great affliction (the fire).
My prayer minister asked, “Where is the access point for the fear?” The Lord showed me that I take on the feelings of other people about me, in other words, what people think about me. So then she said, “Lord, show her the first time she felt this.” Immediately I sensed it was from the womb and that, as a burden bearer, I took on my Mother’s feelings (which were “I can’t do this”) and those feeling overshadowed me to the point that “I’ve never had a chance to feel my own feelings.” So here I am as an adult, discovering I just feel what others feel (or what I think they feel) and that I don’t have any of my own feelings!! No wonder I don’t know what I want to do when I “grow up” or what I like or don’t like!!
My prayer minister prayed for healing for me as a burden bearer. Then I saw a needle and thread sewing up something that was torn and it was the Lord mending a torn ligament, which represented me as a wounded burden bearer. The Lord didn’t leave me there. He went on to show me a way to do this (how to live) and that was to put the cross of Christ between me and others, therefore, whatever comes to me has to come through the cross. Then I had a picture of me sitting in Jesus’ lap; then, when I was ready, I got down and went to play, a very good feeling.
It was a very life changing prayer ministry time for me. Not only did the Lord reveal a lot about my patterns of thinking but He loved me too much to leave me there and gave me a way to do life differently, the way He intended for me. He wants me to have my own feelings and I am looking forward to seeing what that feels like!!
– Susan, Georgia
A New Freedom and Lightness
I had recently been asking the Lord to show me exactly who I am and to bring restoration of that person. Previous sessions had shown me great areas of shutting down through trauma and not choosing life and who God called me to be. In this session the Lord revealed several areas in need of repentance specifically in dealing with self-hatred and self-loathing for decisions that I had made in life. These were decisions I had made to go along with sin and not stand up for myself. I had many times repented and asked God’s forgiveness in this area which I know in my head He granted. However, I had difficulty forgiving myself for not standing up for myself and thinking of myself as worth more than this. This generated a very low opinion of myself in this area. After repentance there was prayer for restoration of what God wants in this area and that I would really begin to see who God created me to be and begin to move in that personhood. I experienced a new freedom and lightness.
– Karen, Georgia
Emotions Are Okay
I sat down and started telling my prayer minister what was going on with me … I had all these emotions going on inside of me, I felt bad for feeling and saying certain things about the way I was feeling. I couldn’t wait to get order back into my schedule due to the hustle of the holiday, the word “control” was thrown around.
So we started on one thing that I wanted to talk about which was my son. But The Lord showed me my Mom and I was watching her just do things and I had no emotion about what she was doing. I sensed a block, like I couldn’t feel. It seemed as if she took away my right to feel.
And The Lord said, “No, you chose not to feel emotion to protect yourself.” And that emotions are okay! They are our body’s way of telling us things about us! And no matter what my emotions and what I think or say about a situation, He wants me to bring it to Him, and He and I will work through it. But the huge thing is it’s okay to be angry, disappointed or whatever because I’m human and He knows that!
– Crystal, Georgia
A Web of Bitterness
This session was a God “set-up” from the get-go. I was going to minister prior to receiving ministry. The night before had been nightmarish; I was exhausted and hardly felt able to minister. I asked the Lord about this on the drive there, and He said, “I’m going to spend time with my daughter in her session and it really has nothing to do with you, Janet!” The setup continued before the session began, as my fellow prayer minister and I chatted to catch up on recent events. In the middle of our chat, God began to minister to her. I never had the chance to say an opening prayer or to scribble notes. He took off running.
That, in turn, was a setup for my own session, because we dealt down and deep with my performance orientation. Way to knock me on my head, Jesus! I confessed that I’ve forgotten my first love. Somewhere over the past seven years I turned intercession into a desk job, all for the sake of people’s opinions. I’ve always dreaded criticism and being told that I’m not doing what other people think I should be doing. I’ve gotten pretty good at jumping through their hoops. I’ve dealt with some aspects of this, but something still had a tenacious hold on my heart, especially regarding church ministry. I kept feeling like the minute I came on staff at the church, I came under a stronghold that tied me in knots. What was the stronghold and where did it come from?
The Lord showed me that my mom and her mom, both of whom worked in the church, had woven a web of judgment and bitterness toward various staff and parishioners. I had witnessed much of this as a small child. I had both judged those who seemed to be against my mom and grandma, and I had judged my mom and grandma for being judgmental! That’s quite a web. The Lord showed this vicious spider in the middle of the web and its name was Bitterness. Fear and jealousy had befriended it. All of these were generational in my family, and have been dealt with in many ways. But my mom and grandma had formed a stronghold of bitterness with regard to church authority and the congregation, and I had walked right into it when I became a part of the church’s ministry.
After praying to come out from under this, I told Jesus I was sorry I had forgotten my first love, and wondered if it was too late for a new start. He of course reminded me that He never left, that He was waiting for me. Recently He has invited me to come away with Him during spring break, and in this session He promised to rekindle the fire in my heart. He is calling me away to the same place I went with Him seven years ago with all the passion for Christ that an intercessor carries in her heart. My first reaction to His invitation was that I had failed the test and had to retake it, seven years later. His response was different. He said, “Janet, everyone needs to drink from the well. Don’t fret that you’re joining me at the well seven years later. You really should’ve been here sooner.”
I’ve felt more peace since then, and not a sense of looking over my shoulder to see who is criticizing me. Since then, I’ve also committed to some things that “fear of man” kept me from committing to earlier, and I’m not afraid. I feel peace. Go God!
– Janet, Georgia
I’m Always with You
Several days before the scheduled prayer ministry I was brought face to face with this: I wanted people to like me. Now that may not sound like such a “bad” thing. But out of my type A trauma (the absence of necessary good things, as The Life Model: Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You by James G. Friesen and E. James Wilder, et al. explains), I learned early in life that if people liked me it met a need I had for love and acceptance, so I began to develop ways to get people to like me. I had now become guilty of meeting my own needs instead of letting God meet my needs for love and acceptance.
Since I was taking the place of God in my life, I repented for that and for attempting to meet my own needs. I also prayed for healing from performance orientation since I was performing to get my needs met; I was in charge instead of putting myself in God’s hands and recognizing that He and only He can meet my needs for love and acceptance since He made me. The session ended with the Lord reminding me, “I’m with you everywhere you go.”
– Susan, Georgia
Healing Toward God
In this session the Lord revisited the area of the death wish I had in the womb that was revealed several months ago. In this death wish I had developed a hatred toward God. In not choosing God’s plan through the death wish, I had chosen the generational plan flowing through and to me. There had been a hatred of men coming through the maternal generational side of the family. Since God is perceived and referred to as “male,” I had projected this hatred in some areas of my life onto God. I was believing the lie that whatever His plan is (especially if it involved males) would not be good. I was believing that all men are abusive; therefore, I must hold back and protect myself. I must be in control.
I repented of my attitude toward God, the lies I was believing about Him and his male creation, and for not choosing His plan. I came out of agreement with the lies. I had blamed God for much of the bad that has happened in my life, especially in relationships, when, in truth, these things were never in His plan at all. When I entered the session, I realized that I had an anger problem. This had been an underlying anger that I was unaware of but had been there all my life. It hurt me to see that this was directed at God after all His goodness to me. Praise God for His blood and the power of His resurrection over sin.
– Karen, Georgia
God Is for Me
I was preparing for two conversations with authority figures and recognized an inner terror. I walked with fear of authority for many years and God has addressed and lifted much of that fear. But some remains. I was especially afraid of not being heard in my upcoming meetings and feared that I would lose control of my emotions. God once again brought me back to infancy and medical issues. As a little one, I had felt that doctors – the ultimate authority figure for me from conception – had the power to speak death over me or to speak restrictions over my life. At birth and again at six months old, I made conclusions that I was too little, I was too high risk, I wouldn’t grow, I was a runt, and the doctors should ironically abandon me and deal with “real children.” My mom shared with me in the past that words like these were actually spoken – not in malice, as I heard them, and not with the power of death, as I received them; but out of concern for the health of mother and child.
We invited the Lord in, and He began to wake my spirit from slumber and speaking life into me. I saw Him lift me into His arms when I was newly born, singing over me and speaking His blessings over me. He spoke “power, love, sound mind” over me and wrote His prescription for my life on the doctor’s pad. That was incredible. The ultimate Authority of all drove out fear and spoke life into me. Nothing could stop Him, and I finally knew that in my heart.
Since then, as I mentioned in a previous testimony, I’ve walked free of that fear and gone to seek medical help for an issue that emerged. I felt God showing me that He was bringing His little girl to the doctor, as any good Father would, because He loved her and knew best how to care for her. As I sat in the medical clinic, I felt His presence – and authority, on my behalf – more strongly than I’ve ever known was possible.
He continues to allow me to choose life and choose faith over fear, on a daily basis. I’ve chosen life and faith before out of fearful obedience to God. This time, it’s not perfectly easy, but it’s gotten so much easier to walk free of fear. I know He will continue this work in me until I’m totally free. Go God!!!!
– Janet, Georgia
I Can Just Be His Daughter
I went into my session feeling “I have a need to be right and be recognized for it.” As the prayer minister began asking The Lord about this, The Lord showed me that “I was born with this.” In other words, it goes back to in-utero. He led us to pray about healing from striving, and praying through it brought up emotions. I was trying to find my identity in being recognized instead of just being His child. I felt God re-adjusted my focus as I repented for looking for acceptance with people to be my identity instead of simply being His daughter.
– Susan, Georgia
Freedom from Worry
I was inquiring of the Lord as to why I worry so much. I seem to worry about everything; from someone not paying us back a large sum of money to the tiny, little society finch that is “fluffed out.” (When birds are “fluffed out” it can mean they are sick.)
So, as we were doing prayer ministry, I sensed (saw in the Spirit) a dark shadow between me and the Light (the Lord). I wasn’t sure how to deal with it but decided I needed to simply send the shadow away in the name of Jesus. After I did this I saw Jesus run to me, grab me, and hug me. I was a child so He was stooping down to hug me. His face was so happy and it made me happy. He was so happy to be with me!
After this, the prayer minister led me through prayers for healing from fear and trauma. It was very powerful and I am looking forward to feeling and experiencing new emotions that for so long have been overshadowed by fear.
– Susan, Georgia